Tuesdays with Lane
by Random Storygirl
Summary: Cat is asked to meet with Lane, the school guidance counselor. He wants to "get to know her". He finds out more than he bargained for. A day in the life of the one and only Cat Valentine. :D
1. Week One: Balls and Chandeliers

**Author's Note: **I've had this idea for a few days. It will either be just one chapter or more than one if people like it. This has nothing to do with the sad book, Tuesdays with Morrie. The title just fit well with that because I had no idea what else to call it. I hope you enjoy! :D

**Tuesdays with Lane**

As soon as I was let out of Sikowitz's class, I rushed down the hall. I was given a yellow slip of paper that morning and told to arrive at the guidance counselor's office as soon as the lunch bell rang and being late to anything was nerve-racking for me. One time, I was late for school and I got so scared of my teacher yelling at me that I fainted outside of the door. No one knew until class was over and Andre had to carry me to the nurse's office. But I'm all better now.

"Hey Cat!" I heard Beck call from behind me. I spun around.

"Yeah?"

"You coming to lunch with us?"

"I can't. I have to go to the counselor!" I held out the yellow slip to him.

"Cool. Do you know why?" I shook my head, "Well, go ahead. You don't wanna be late." My eyes widened.

"You're right!" I turned from him and sped away, accidentally bumping into Jade in my haste, "Oh! Sorry Jade!" I apologized quickly.

"You're lucky I don't have any reasons to hate you, or else you would be dead meat right now." She muttered, beginning to gather the books that flew out of her hands when I collided with her.

"Yay! I'm lucky like a four leaf clover!" I exclaimed while I turned the corner, but then stopped short. "I wonder how lucky five leaf clovers are…" I said to myself, before remembering my goal and springing back into action.

When I made it to Lane's office, I still had three minutes before the bell rang. So I opened the door slowly and walked in casually with a smile on my face. Once, my brother told me that a squirrel died every time I smiled. I tried my best not to smile for a week, but all my friends got worried and planned an intervention because they thought I was depressed. Then while I was there, Robbie made me laugh, which then made me cry when I thought about the squirrel I had just killed. But then I found out that my brother was lying, so I told him that a bird lost its voice whenever he breathed. He held his breath for three minutes, and I was so impressed that I bought him a lollipop and admitted that it was just a joke. And then we were all a happy family again!

"Hi, Cat! How are you?" Lane greeted me from his hanging wicker chair where he was rubbing some lotion onto his hands. I wonder if it smelled fruity.

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.

"How are you doing?"

"How am I doing what?"

"I mean…What's up?"

"The ceiling." I replied. Isn't that an obvious question?

"Never mind, Cat." He let his head fall into his hands and shook his head.

"So why did you ask me to come here?" I asked curiously.

"Because I just wanted to…get to know you a little better." He explained.

"Okay. I love getting to know people!"

"That's good. Now tell me…what has happened to you so far today?"

"Okay…well first I woke up and had breakfast."

"What did you eat?"

"Well, I almost had a bowl of cereal. But then my dog accidentally knocked it over and I didn't have time to make a new one. And then he started licking the milk off the floor. He kept getting in the way so I couldn't clean it up. And then, when I gave up and tried to leave the kitchen, I slipped on the mess and got a cut on my arm when I fell. But it's okay now because I put a rainbow bandage on it."

"Oh…well that's too bad. What's your dog's name?"

"Cat Jr. I named him after me!" I giggled.

"So you have a dog named Cat?"

"Cat Jr." I corrected him.

"Okay…so what happened next?"

"Then I started getting ready for school. I brushed my teeth, got dressed, combed my hair, put my makeup on, and then I helped my brother tie his shoes and left the house to get on the bus."

"Okay. And how was the bus ride?"

"It was alright. I sat next to Rex, but he kept making fun of my hair." I pouted.

"Does Rex do that a lot?"

"No. Normally he sits with Robbie and doesn't talk to me, but they got in a huge argument about something Rex posted on his blog about Robbie last night and they refused to sit together."

"Do you know what the blog said?"

"I think it was making fun of how Robbie was ditched by those Northridge girls…" Lane raised his eyebrows.

"That happened again?"

"Yeah. I don't think a lot of girls like Robbie. They always wanna hurt his feelings. It's kinda sad."

"It really is. I'll have to meet with Robbie and Rex again so I can talk to them about all that. So anyway, what happened when you got off the bus?"

"I got into school, and while I was talking to Tori about a flower I drew on the back of my homework, Sinjin came up to me and handed me the yellow slip that told me to come here."

"Okay. And then did you go to class?"

"Yeah. First I went to make up class and made my partner look like a clown. Everyone laughed, but she was upset. I don't know why."

"Do you think maybe she didn't want to look like a clown?"

"But why not? Clowns are so fun! They're really neat because they can fit into small cars and walk in those huge shoes without tripping!"

"Some people are afraid of clowns."

"Do you wanna know what I'm scared of?"

"What?"

"Chandeliers."

"Why?"

"Because they're so heavy but they're only hanging by a single chain or wire. I'm afraid that they'll fall on me. I had a dream one time where I was in a fancy room full of chandeliers and I have to watch as they fell one by one on all of my friends and family." I whimpered at the memory.

"Cat. It's okay. It's just a dream. Why don't you just tell me about your next class?"

"Then I had chorus class. It was fun because I love to sing."

"Why do you love to sing?" I opened my mouth to answer him, but then closed it, thinking. I wondered for a few moments, and then I gasped.

"I have no idea! Haha! A mystery!"

"Interesting. What songs did you sing?"

"'The Lion Sleeps Tonight'. It was really cool because I got to sing about cats. And my name is Cat! So I got really into it and started dancing along to the music, and everyone looked at me funny and the teacher yelled at me."

"Maybe you shouldn't dance during class."

"But I like to dance! That's too bad." I sighed.

"So anyway, what did you have next?"

"I had Mr. Sikowitz! My favorite class!"

"Why?"

"All my friends are in that class!"

"I see. Did anything interesting happen in that class?"

"Mr. Sikowitz made us get in a big circle and throw a ball to each other. The person who threw the ball had to describe a made up person and the person who caught it had to act like that person for one minute and then throw the ball to someone else. It was really fun. I got to act like a zookeeper who was trying to get some escaped rocks back into their exhibits and a wheat farmer who was allergic to bread. But then Sikowitz added another ball and it was really hard to keep up. And then Jade threw the ball really hard and it hit Tori in the face. And Jade didn't sound very sincere when she apologized. Don't tell anyone I said this, but I think she did it on purpose."

"Why?"

"Because Jade doesn't like Tori."

"And why is that?"

"I don't know. I think everyone should just get along."

"Okay…and then what happened?"

"Then the bell rang and I came here."

"Alright. Lunch is almost over and I have to tell you something important."

"What?"

"It's been…interesting…getting to know you today, Cat. And I'd like to…get to know you…some more. So how about this? Why don't we meet every Tuesday during lunch so that we can talk about how your days are going? Is that alright?"

"It sounds like fun!" I clapped my hands.

"Good. You can go and grab something for lunch. If the bell rings and you're not done eating, come back here and I'll give you a pass for your next class."

"Okay."

"So I guess we're done here. It was nice talking to you." He reached his hand out and I shook it. It was really soft and a little slimy from the lotion. That's when I noticed that he had papers in his other hand.

"What did you write on those papers?"

"Ummm…" he hesitated, "I just wrote down some of the things you said."

"Why?" I asked suspiciously.

"Because…I didn't want to forget them."

"Oh…okay. Bye!" I got up and waved as I exited his room. Then I ran down the hallway again so I could get some paninis at the Asphalt Café before they ran out. Trina said they were really good, and I was really hungry. And I also really wanted to show everyone my rainbow band-aid. It also had sparkles on it, which always make me happy. Actually…a lot of things make me happy. Except for chandeliers. Those are the worst.

**Author's Note: **I'll continue this if I know that people like it. If I continued it, it would just be the different meetings that Cat has with Lane every week. So we can try to discover what exactly is going on in Cat's brain. Because I've always been curious. I tried to use simple language because I don't think that Cat thinks articulate thoughts. I also think she gets side tracked easily, which is why that happened a lot. So anyway, I hope you liked this! It's supposed to be pretty silly. Review if you wanna pet Cat Jr.! :D


	2. Week Two: Poses and Teeth

**Author's Note: **I am terribly sorry. After I wrote the first chapter, I thought, "Hey! What if I just updated this every Tuesday? It would make sense!" But I just…didn't. My apologies, dear readers, if you actually wanted to read more of this sooner. Anyway, here is the next chapter. :D

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Victorious. If I did, would play the piano on Andre's locker all the time. At least, the few songs that I know. :D

**Tuesdays with Lane (Week Two)**

"Now, children. How many times do I have to keep telling you? No consumables in my acting sanctum!" Mr. Sikowitz yelled.

"But it's just gum!" Robbie protested, "All of the other teachers let us have gum!"

"Well they shouldn't. It's a school rule that you can't have food or drink in classrooms, Sandberg."

"Gum isn't necessarily a food!" Tori argued, "You don't eat it."

"Well then what is it?" Everyone in the room paused to think.

"A type of confection traditionally made of chicle, a natural latex product, or synthetic rubber known as polyisobutylene." I piped up. Everybody look at me as if I had two heads, "I like the pink kind the best!" I smiled.

"How did you know that?" Andre asked, surprised.

"My PearPad! I also downloaded a dancing bunny graphic!" I held it up for everyone to see.

"That's wonderful, Cat. Now just spit it out, Robbie." Mr. Sikowitz sighed, dropping the subject. Robbie walked over to the trashcan, threw his gum out, and then slumped in his chair. The bell rang as soon as he sat down.

"Yay! Lunch!" I cried, jumping up from my seat.

"Wait!" Mr. Sikowitz shouted, flinging his arms out in objection.

"What?" all of the students groaned, evidently famished.

"Before you go, everyone must line up beside the door and leave one by one, posing like a character that I will choose for you."

"Why?" Rex questioned.

"Because I am your sensei and you are tiny fledgling actors, and therefore you must follow my commands."

"This is stupid." Jade muttered before exiting the room. Beck watched her leave, eyebrows raised, but didn't make an attempt to follow her.

"Jade, you are no fun!" Mr. Sikowitz called out after her as everyone began to line up. I was third, which was cool because three is my favorite number. Beck was first.

"Beck! You are a turtle with a sinus infection. Pose!" Beck got on his hands and knees and put a sad look on his face, wrinkling his nose.

"Scrumdidlyumptious!" Mr. Sikowitz praised. Beck stood up, "Wait! No!"

"What?"

"Now you have to crawl to lunch." Beck shrugged before returning to his previous position and crawling out the door.

"Ah! Tori is up. You are a cowgirl who thinks she is made of boysenberry yogurt. Pose!" Tori spread her legs as if there was a horse under her and licked her arm, "Now go catch up to Beck and ride him until he makes it to lunch. Move!" She shot Mr. Sikowitz a weird look before sprinting out the door.

"Nutterrific! Cat! You're next!" I squealed and clapped my hands. But before Mr. Sikowitz could assign me a character, we heard Jade shouting down the hall.

"Vega! What are you doing on my boyfriend?"

"Mr. Sikowitz told me to do this!" Tori explained nervously.

"And if Sikowitz told you to dunk your head in a vat of boiling gravy, would you?" Jade interrogated.

"Umm…no."

"Well you should anyway." Then we heard a loud thud and a pained cry from Tori, "Beck, take me to lunch."

"That wasn't very nice…" Beck commented.

"You know I'm not nice. Now move it! I need a burrito." She commanded. I could imagine her stomping toward lunch with Beck in tow, cursing under her breath as she went.

"I knew that would happen." Mr. Sikowitz disclosed, laughing, "Now Cat! Pose like a magician with an amputated leg!" I stood on one foot and took off my hat, holding it out and pretending to pull a rabbit out of it, "Fantabulous! Now hop on one foot to lunch!" I jumped out of the room and made my way down the hall. I noticed Tori writhing on the floor and I stopped to help her up.

"Aww Tori! Why are you on the ground?" I inquired, concerned.

"Because Jade is a gank!" she grumbled, struggling to stand.

"Oh. What day is it?" I was curious as to what the special was for lunch.

"Taco Tuesday! Time to get my fiesta food on!" she answered cheerfully.

"Oh no! Lane!" I gasped, letting go of Tori's hand and letting her fall back down to the floor, leaping hurriedly to the counselor and hoping that I wouldn't be late.

"That's fine, Cat!" Tori shouted after me, "I love it here on the cold hard ground!"

"Kay kay!"

"I was being sarcastic!"

"Kay kay!" I continued hopping until I arrived at Lane's just in time.

"Hello Cat! I'm glad that you remembered." Lane greeted as I walked in.

"Yeah. I've got a great memory. Like an elephant!"

"Right."

"Are you calling me fat?" I gasped, shocked at his insult.

"No! I'm just saying you have a good memory."

"Oh,"

"So why don't you sit down and tell me about your week?" Lane gestured toward the couch and I sat on it.

"Hey! Do you wanna hear a joke?" I asked.

"I'd rather listen to what's been going on with you…"

"But it's really funny!" I protested.

"Fine" Lane sighed.

"Yay! Okay, so what does a group of vegetarians say when it wants to enter your house?"

"I have no idea."

"Lettuce in!" I giggled.

"Very nice, Cat. Now why don't you tell me about…"

"What's your favorite tooth?" I interrupted.

"What?"

"Mine are my bottom incisors. They're so cute!" I gushed.

"I've…never thought about which teeth are my favorites."

"I have a loose tooth. It's a molar. See?" I opened my mouth wide and pointed to it.

"Cat. How old are you? Seventeen? Aren't you done losing teeth?"

"It's been loose for a few years. But I don't want it to come out. It's my last one! Then the tooth fairy won't come to my house anymore!" I pouted.

"And the dentist hasn't pulled it?" he interrogated incredulously.

"My family has been banned from all dental care facilities in California."

"What? Why?"

"My mother tried to bring my brother to the dentist for the first time and he had a fit. He broke the special chair, slobbered all over the oral hygienist, kept poking the secretary, and stabbed the dentist in the leg with the dental hook."

"Wow…umm…that's surprising."

"Not really. My brother said he would do that. My mother didn't believe him."

"I guess she should have."

"Yeah."

"So why don't you tell me about…"

"Do you like Spongebob?"

"My kids watch it…"

"I love Gary. He's so funny."

"All he does is meow."

"My brother meows when he's in the shower."

"That's…interesting."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

" It's just that…I don't think normal people meow in the shower."

"You're so mean! All my brother wants is to be accepted, but people like you ruin it!"

"I'm sorry! I accept your brother. But my brother never meows, so I wasn't expecting yours to do so."

"You have a brother, too? You can bring him to my house after school. They can have a play date!" I grinned at my excellent idea.

"My brother is thirty."

"So? My father is fifty!"

"So…Never mind. We're out of time. How about I see you next week?"

"Kay kay! See you then!"

"Bye!"

"Wait…what did you write this time?"

"Nothing important…" Lane told me nervously.

"Then let me see!" I snatched his paper away from him and scanned it over, "What do you mean by, '_See Therapist_'?"

"Nothing! Just don't worry about it. Okay?"

"Alright."

"Now run off to lunch. Have a taco. I'll see you on Tuesday." He said, rubbing some lotion on his hands.

"Kay. Bye!" I waved as I walked out of the room. I saw Sinjin on the way to the Asphalt Café, "Hey!" I greeted him.

"Hi Cat!" he waved awkwardly.

"Did you order those mood socks from Sky Store?"

"Yeah!" He lifted his pant leg, showing off his currently red socks.

"What mood does red mean?"

"Aroused…" Sinjin winked suggestively.

"Bye Sinjin!" I briskly walked away.

"Well, at least she didn't slap me. Stupid Jade," I heard him mutter behind me.

**Author's Note: **Okay, I don't know about this one. What'd you guys think? Tell me in reviews. :D


	3. Week Three: Licorice and Dingoes

**Author's Note: **Yeah, I know. I'm stalling all those other stories I have to finish. But I just need to write what I feel like for now. School is over so I'll have a lot more time for writing nowadays.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Victorious. If I did, "Take a Hint" would have never existed, which would suck.

**Tuesdays With Lane (Week Three)**

"Robbie, I know you have a huge crush on the Queen of Moldova, but don't you think sending her two tons of black licorice is going a bit overboard?" Tori asked Robbie as the three of us walked out of Sikowitz's class.

"No! She loves that stuff! If I buy her enough, she'll have to thank me in person and look into my eyes and then fall in love with me and have my two future sons named Augusto and Rutherford," Robbie protested.

"Or most likely, file a restraining order," Rex remarked sarcastically.

"Quiet! Or I'll tell them about your obsession with that princess in Genovia," Robbie threatened.

"…Genovia is that fake country from the Princess Diaries," Tori corrected him.

"What? But Rex told me to deposit all my money in the National Bank of Genovia! Because of the high interest rates!" Robbie exclaimed.

"Yes…and that money was transferred to the National Bank of My Wallet," Rex commented.

"Rex! That was over five thousand dollars!" Robbie cried exasperatedly.

"Chill out, man. I only lost half of it gambling," Rex brushed it off.

"Dude!" Robbie yelled.

"Fine. How can I make it up to you? You want me to buy you a moderately attractive girlfriend?" Rex offered.

"No. I just want some hot tea," Robbie sighed.

"Hehe. Tea is for dinglos," Rex noted.

"What the chiz is a dinglo?" Robbie queried, frustrated.

"Isn't that an Australian dog?" Tori inquired.

"No. Those are dingoes," Robbie disagreed.

"My brother has a dingo collection," I finally spoke up. Everyone stared at me with questioning looks on their faces, "There are dingo statues on his dresser and dingo posters on his wall and he has dingo bed sheets. He watches the Dingo Channel every day. But only the cartoons. He doesn't understand the other shows," I explicated.

"Okay…" Tori started, "Anyway, men can drink tea. British guys do it all the time,"

"But we all know how terrible Robbie's English accent is," Rex reminded us.

"That's it! You get a time out in my locker!" Robbie shouted, fed up.

"But it smells like rotting pineapples in there!" Rex complained.

"That's what you get for leaving your science project in there for two weeks," Robbie scolded as he opened his locker, "Now you wait in there and think about what you did," he stuffed him inside.

"My neck isn't supposed to bend this way," Rex objected.

"Too bad, ya insulter!" Robbie yelled as he slammed the door shut.

"Umm…Robbie," I began.

"What?"

"The door took Rex's arm off," I observed, pointing to the ground. Robbie gasped, then frowned.

"Rex can have it when his punishment is over," Robbie decided, putting the broken body part into his backpack.

"When I get out of here, you're gonna wish you never bought those special boxers!" Rex warned from inside the locker. Robbie turned red.

"What does he mean by that?" Tori questioned.

"Nothing," Robbie assured me, obviously flustered.

"It doesn't seem like nothing," I stated suspiciously. His eyes darted from side to side and he began to sweat.

"Hey, isn't it Tuesday?" he solicited.

"Don't try to change the subject!" I reprimanded him.

"No, I'm not changing the subject. It's just that you're going to be late for…" I quickly realized what he was talking about and ran down the hall.

"Tori, make sure you find out what Rex meant!" I called over my shoulder.

"On it!" Tori shouted back. I heard the sound of Robbie's back hitting the lockers and his signature squeak. I walked into Lane's office giggling.

"Hey Lane!" I greeted him warmly.

"Cat! Glad you could make it. Have a seat!" he gestured to the couch.

"Ooh, is that new?" I asked excitedly.

"Yup, just came in yesterday," he notified me.

"Yay! I love new couches!" I cried before flopping onto the seat. I sniffed it, "What is it made of?"

"Umm…I think leather," he stated.

"It smells like leather," I verified.

"I think it's supposed to," he told me.

"Cool. Because it's good when things smell the way they're supposed to," I informed him.

"Right…now let's start. I have a new activity that I want to do with you," he commented.

"Wait I have to tell you something," I interrupted.

"Can it wait until the end of lunch? I really want to get something done unlike last time," he voiced.

"Okay, I'll wait. What's the activity?" I questioned eagerly.

"In this activity, I'll say a word. You just have to say the first thing that pops into your head. Ready?" he explained.

"Ready as a teddy on a jetty eating spaghetti with Betty before it gets wet-ty…" I started.

"Okay, that's enough. The first word is school," he interrupted me.

"Octopus," I replied.

"Why octopus?" he solicited quizzically.

"Because school makes me think of teachers which makes me think of classrooms which makes me think of desks which makes me think of rows which makes me think of boats which makes me think of the RMS Lusitania, which, as we all know, capsized in the Bay of Montenegro in 1732 because of a rabid octopus attack," Lane stared at me, dumbfounded.

"Did you learn that last part from your history teacher?" Lane asked curiously.

"Absodoodlutely!" I chirped.

"Yeah…don't listen to him anymore…or make sure you can hear him correctly next time," he advised me.

"Kay kay!"

"Now the next word is…friends," he began.

"Blood," I countered a split-second later. His mouth dropped wide open.

"What? Why on earth would you think of blood?" Lane raised.

"Because friends makes me think of family which makes me think of my mommy which makes me think of love which makes me think of hearts which makes me think of organs which makes me think or pianos which makes me think of Andre which makes me think of his grandma which makes me think of fear which makes me think of chandeliers which makes me think of falling which makes me think of the ground which makes me think of the sky which makes me think of clouds which makes me think of rain which makes me think of thunder and lightning which makes me think of striking which makes me think of Shia Labeouf which makes me think of cannibalism which makes me think of Willy Wonka which makes me think of chocolate which makes me think of cake which makes me think of birthdays which make me think of presents which make me think of…" I rambled.

"Okay…that's enough," Lane stopped me nervously, "We're out of time,"

"Aww, phooey!" I pouted.

"That's okay. I'll see you next week. Bye Cat!" he waved as I got up and walked out his door. I made my way down the hall and heard laughter. I listened closely and noticed that it was coming from Robbie's locker. It was Rex.

"Rex?" I questioned tentatively.

"Cat?" he mustered between chuckles, "Is that you?"

"Yessiree! But why are you laughing?" I queried.

"Tori found out about the boxers," Rex guffawed.

"And?" I urged him to continue.

"And now Robbie's so embarrassed that he's crying in the girl's bathroom with Sinjin," he snickered.

"That's awful!" I cried.

"I know! I love it!" he cackled.

"Rex, why are you so mean?" I solicited, concerned.

"Why you so stoopid?" he shot back in a strange voice. I gasped, hurt, before running off to find Robbie.

**Author's Note: **I notice that my introductions turn out to be longer than the parts with Lane's office, which is supposed to be the focus of the story. Oh well. Anyway, review if it is as you wish. :D


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